boys will be boys

i babysat two little boys tonight, 5 and 3. yeah, they were really cute and sweet. we played with play-doh and race cars and listened to star wars music. it was too good to be true. . .  for the first 20 minutes. 

then it became "let's drive miss korinne INSANE" the rest of the night. 

1. screaming at very high decibels and very nigh pitches, to the point that their faces turned red 

2. inbetween screams, looking at me with big eyes and waiting til i crack a smile and then they'd say, "POOOOPOO!!!"

3. the "poopoo" was for sure the hit of the night

4. speaking of hits, they love wrestling and kicking each other and hitting each other 

i thought pizza would solve the problems, get them to respect me or something. 

i thought wrong. 

the 3 year old decided to slap his piece of pizza down on the table, cheese side down. he started hammering it. (note: this is on the table, not on his plate or napkin) i do not know if he ever ate his pizza but it did disappear somehow, through him molding it with his fingers as if it were play doh. 

meanwhile, 5 year old brother kept whispering things into the 3 year old's ear, they were inappropriate things that he knew his little brother would say because he doesn't know any better. 

this craziness lasted for a good 4 hours. 

what i learned: i do not, by any means, understand little boys. i grew up with one sister and we were usually really nice to one another; we also respected babysitters and did not find amusement in creating chaos or hitting each other. i am confused and have questions. are all boys like this? do all boys enjoy aggressive and insane behavior? 

deeeep breath. they got picked up early. thank you God. 

sand art

from Ukraine's Got Talent, this lady does sand art to demonstrate the German occupation of Ukraine during WWII. Apparently 1/4 of Ukraine's population was killed during this time, meaning that nearly every person lost an immediate family member...

a golden twenty first

mission: consume alcohol on 21st birthday.

mission accomplished? yes. 

1) strawberry margarita--plus tons of chips and guac at Los Arroyos with Maddie, Allyson and Becca. 

2) coconut/mango mojito--with three different tapas (appetizers) at Milk & Honey, with Jamie, Brooke, Bradie, Nassa, Erika and Rose. 

3) shot of vodka--most stressful moment of the night at Dargans... flashlight in my face and the entire bar staring at me, Jamie helped me out by doing it with me at the same time. Haha. classic moment, true friend. 

4) double tall stoli raspberry (so delicious, no idea what's in it)--both Jamie's and my drink paid for by Steven from Montana, then our friend John Miller came for social/moral support. 

topped the night off with a donut from spudnuts. 

I am so grateful for my amazing family and friends--I couldn't feel more blessed and cared for. I had a great 21st. :) 

lead us back

Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You

Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You

You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

here's to you, Hayley

thank you for letting me use your wireless

I'm sitting here in your living room and now kind of laughing

because you have absolutely no idea I'm writing on the blog you so kindly reminded me of

anyway

onto bigger and better things,

this morning was just right. 

I'm glad we could wall-it-up together and enjoy the crashing waves,

envy the little girl with butterfly wings and green snot bubbles

talk in dog voices--think we've mastered them

talk about what we were like as little girls; you miss talkative, and me miss "hmmhmm"

what did you think of those combo bagels? the cream cheese seemed kind of off to me... but it was tasty still. 

thank you for telling me what classes to take and what ones not to

i just registered for modern grammar and advanced composition (still hopeful about ceramics)

what are you working on, anyway? 

look at us, sitting here on our macs. not talking. no music. just the sound of click click click

on our keyboards

we're burning our batteries by letting them sit on our laps

I should buy a new one but don't feel like it

it's totally heating up though

it's weird weather today. hence, our indifference to productivity and the outdoors.

you are awesome and beautiful; seriously. 

I'm grateful to have spent time with you today

and to be friends with you

even if you sleep through your alarm

because I can sympathize completely

good afternoon. 

can't sleep

I got in bed around 11pm tonight. Thought I'd go to sleep early. Well, it's 12:19 and I finally got back out of bed because lying there in the dark, tossing and turning, just wasn't the funnest time. 

So here I am, blogging! Marvelous. 

Today I felt very empathetic toward the life of a crustacean. Also known as "krill". Some little ocean creature that gets swallowed up by an enormous Blue Whale (can be up to 108 feet in length)... can you imagine how terrifying that feeling would be? You're just swimming around, minding your own business, and suddenly you feel like the ocean is draining and you're getting sucked down--which might even be more appealing--but it's actually the mouth of a Blue Whale opening and inhaling millions of other crustaceans and sea creatures and ocean water. For a snack. I researched and found this on wikipedia: An adult Blue Whale can eat up to 40 million krill in a day. The whales always feed in the areas with the highest concentration of krill, sometimes eating up to 3,600 kg (8,000 lb) of krill in a single day.The whale feeds by lunging forward at groups of krill, taking the animals and a large quantity of water into its mouth. The water is then squeezed out through the baleen plates by pressure from the ventral pouch and tongue. Once the mouth is clear of water, the remaining krill, unable to pass through the plates, are swallowed. 

Okay so get to the point, I know you're wondering why I felt just like a crustacean today. I got my car washed at one of those gas station car wash drive through things for people too lazy to do it themselves. I sat there, engine off, in the dark. It was quiet and peaceful first. A gentle mist of water over the vehicle... That's nice. And then everything around me starts shaking and the car is rumbling and the banging/spraying machines are SO loud and I open my eyes wider only to find these big rubbery bristles beating at the car! (Thank God the windows were strong enough). And these bristles were relentless, the water surged at the car so forcefully and the rubber bristles hit the car in such an abusive manner! All the while, I'm sitting inside thinking "I'm a crustacean! Leave me a lone and let me out of here you nasty Blue Whale! I want nothing to do with you and your gross hair-like teeth." 

That's the end of my story and now I'll most likely go dream about it. 

we call it security

my simple "security": you know how parents talk about a toddler's "security blanket"? the child just wants to have his or her blanket at all times because for whatever reason, it provides the child with a sense of security and comfort. I remember that. I like that and think it's really true. I have a favorite sweatshirt that is definitely my "go-to" when I want to feel a sense of tangible-clothing-comfort, however my security "sweatshirt" and "blanket" are both at home right now. O, how I would love to be snuggled up in both of those... :(

(insert transition)

my unshakeable security: 

This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. - Isaiah 48:17

I am grateful for such love. He gives and takes away; all the while teaching me what is best and directing me in the way I should go. 

few highlights from today's bachelorette party

1. vodka. 

2. almost burnt our house down. No, I'm not kidding. I was trembling for a good two minutes after we put the fire out. heart beating fast and eyes watering and lots of girls screaming. I don't know, I guess I thought two fires in one year was enough. . . and my reaction sucked. I was trying to find cups or water or some type of liquid and container, so I could go pour it on the flame in the living room and by the time I figured out there were five full water bottles in front of me and ran over, they had already put the fire out. Goes to show my "emergency response" is not quite up to speed still. 

3. eating every homemade good my incredible mom made. (cupcakes--these were over the top. chocolate chip cookies. a six layer berry/cream/cake truffle and then a lot of other things...)

memorable for sure. 

overall, I'd say the party was a real success. so good hanging out with my sisters and having kayla's friends over. we played a lot of fun "bachelorette" games, laughed a LOT, went out to dinner at a nice restaurant downtown. also, our time at the beach during the afternoon was great too. it was so nice. thank God my car did not get towed away... I may or may not have parked my car in front of someone's driveway/RV for a few hours. I was desperate. 

p.s. I'm going to  buy a pair of nice cowboy boots. I wore my sisters today and I love them. 

the end. 

questions/comments/concerns? haha. hope you're well Tom! this was an overdue post. 

squeaky clean

the most worthwhile: washing your face when you go to sleep and when you wake up is probably one of the best ways to refresh yourself. i love cupping my hands full of cold/warm water to splash/rinse off my soapy face. then with my eyes closed, reaching for a towel and patting my face dry. what a great feeling.  

the ultimate: brushing my teeth. so good. so necessary. 

the obvious: showers are wonderful. enough said.

my Ry

my youngest sister Rya--there are a LOT of reasons why I love her and why I am proud of her. she's 8 years old and I just got to see her final drama performance this past thursday night. the play was a modern day "snow white" . . . it was creative. surprisingly funny. those kids are really enthusiastic, sometimes awkward, and easy to love; i was very amused. though, i was baffled after the show, all these kids were running up to her and asking her for her autograph! in these little paper booklets that had been stapled together. wow. after she finished signing her autographs, Ry wanted to show me her campaign signs. campaign signs for what? well, apparently she is running for 3rd grade student council. and what is her slogan? none other than "vote rya kane--she's got game." i couldn't be more proud. 

i am moving to SB today! 

verano

high point #1 of today: It looks like I will be living in Santa Barbara this summer! I feel so blessed. I will be living in the home of Dan & Karen Ribbens with Amanda and Katie. YAY! I miss them both so much and I look forward to getting to know Dan and Karen. What generous hearts. I am also excited just to spend time with friends and just familiarize myself with the community. 

high point #2: strawberries are SO good! I went and picked up two big flats of strawberries today at a local stand-- (this strawberry stand has been around ever since I can remember)--anyway, all the strawberries in these flats were huge! my mom dipped half of them in chocolate... yum. 

guilty as charged

it is approximately 1:30pm on a beautiful Wednesdsay summer afternoon. 

i have been awake for about two hours now (had a terrible nightmare last night) and i am sitting in my pjs, just lounging. fresh fruit and coffee. 

if this is not the epitome of "having excessive free time", i don't know what is. 

okay. off to the outdoors to go read and take some photos. i can hardly wait. 

oh, stream of thoughts.

I am doubtful. 

rend everything, renew every bit--refine every edge. 

a script means nothing without the play.  

words need movement. otherwise, don't bother.

so I've been questioning the things or the words or even people that I cling to. 

(not physically, but emotionally--mentally) 

slowly but surely, scattered reflections bind themselves together--making sense of what once had me quite lost. 

in time, He says.

and I am not far from home. 

I've been sitting on the front steps this whole time, just waiting.

as if I were expecting someone to answer the door without me ever knocking. 

funny, how we do that. 

deliberately laying our weary selves down in the shade, bummed the sunlight has yet to warm our shivering bodies. 

carry on then--make pictures with the clouds, they'll keep passing by.

these foolish things. 

furthermore: 

this isn't about me. it's not about you either. 

not to us. 

no, definitely not to us. it can't be. 

it is true. become less, 

and be made into more. 

so much more. 

how free I am, when I surrender. 

how beautiful is the stained glass window, when you stop magnifying the glass pieces?

wait. that obtrusive tendency to overcomplicate, overanalyze--

just stop. 

gosh, it feels good to be home.

hello Life. 

good afternoon, Purpose. 

I'm ready now, let's go do something. 

24 pieces

my heart is slowly making sense of the year, and all that just happened.

oh my. 

and now, 24 women who became and still are SO incredibly dear to my heart are leaving. what a year we have had together... it is sad to see them go, i am sad that we won't be living together in H anymore. i love them all so much and it has been a true privilege and honor to get to know them; to become friends with them in different ways. i'm baffled at just how lovely they are from the inside-out. who am I that I got to be placed in H201 with these beautiful, insightful, thoughtful, hilarious, witty, gentle, forgiving, understanding, patient, lively and truly remarkable women?? 

saying goodbye is not easy. although, the joy of knowing where we started and where God has now brought us--seeing how we grew together through the year in both immense & unique ways, is so sweet. 

only so many days

I cannot believe

nor do I want to even think

about how much time

there is left of this year

I will not write out how many days

for the sake of my 

sanity

it is certainly bitter

and certainly sweet

I'm excited and sad

I'm also exhausted

yet ready to finish strong

whatever that all means. 

whatever this all will look like. 

all I know

is that it will fall into place

because His grace sustains me

He provides. somehow. 

for that, I'm thankful. 

a fool, I am. grace, He is.

Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

by: Underoath

I heard a voice through the discord

A deluge of passerby

I saw one gaze frozen in time

Watching me passing by

And I swear I'll know Your face in the crowd

And I'll hear Your voice so loud

When You're whispering

Hey unfaithful, I will teach you

To be stronger, to be stronger

Hey ungraceful, I will teach you

To forgive one another

Here's my kiss to betray

Desperate to brush the lips of grace

Do You feel hollow when you think of how I lied?

Oh sweet angel of mercy

With Your grace like the morning

Wrap Your loving arms around me

Oh sweet angel of mercy

With Your grace like the morning

Wrap Your loving arms around me

Hey unfaithful, I will teach you

To be stronger, to be stronger

Hey ungraceful, I will teach you

To forgive one another

Hey unfaithful, I will teach you

To be stronger, to be stronger

Hey unloving

I will love you,

I will love you,

I will love you

Jesus, I'm ready to come home. 

singing

singing--it is so good for the soul. 

i just sang with three other incredible voices--just fiddling around with harmonies for about an hour. 

i love singing a capella with people and letting chords resound, it's one of my favorite things to do. 

"tension is to be loved 

for it is like a passing note

to a beautiful, beautiful chord." 

I couldn't agree more with that statement. 

alive and free

I should consider devoting a blog entirely to my favorite songs and their lyrics. I'm not sure people would be too into that, so I've resorted to only including lyrics on here when I'm really feelin them. Which is still a difficult task for me, like, what's the scale for "really feeling a song"? Hm. All I know is that the lyrics below resonate regularly and consistently with my life so I feel these lyrics pretty regularly. God is good. So good. Praise Him.  

"You're Everything" by David Crowder Band

You're everything I could want, I could need

If I could see You want me

Could I believe?

Cause You're perfectly all I want, and all I need

If I could just feel Your touch

Could I be free? 

Why do You shine so?

Can a blind man see?

Why do You come?

Why do You beckon me?

Can the deaf hear the voice of love?

Would You have me come?

Can the cripple run? 

Are You the one? 

To raise me up from this grave

Touch my tongue

And then I'll sing

Heal my limbs

Then joyfully I'll run to You

You're everything

I could want and I could need

I can just, feel Your touch

and I can't breathe

And how You shine so

the blind can see

and how You call out

You beckon me

the deaf hear the voice of love

You bid me come

and the cripple run

You're the one.

So raise me up

from this grave

You touch my tongue 

and then I'll say: 

"Heal my limbs

and joyfully I'll run to you"

You're everything.

And I'm alive and I'll sing.

And I'm alive and I'm free. 

The night I met Peter Blackbird.

It all started Friday night when I was on duty in the Clark office/snack shop. It was the most uneventful four hours of duty I've ever experienced and I forgot to take homework or a book to read... so I listened to music and literally sat there. I think a few people came by to purchase a snapple. Wow. Needless to say, I was very contemplative because I had all this time to think. 

Suddenly, I saw something move outside the A-Lounge window! It freaked me out and as I focused my eyes through the glass I realized it was a raccoon! A big raccoon! He (Peter) walked along the railing of the balcony for a while--by this time I had moved out of the office and to the window where I  could watch him--then he stopped and hung his head and upper body over the ledge. I think he was watching something move because his teeth were gritted the whole time. I watched him for about 15 minutes. Just me and Peter. I wanted him to do something spectacular, like break into something or come over to the window to say hi... but none of those things happened. Little did I know, we'd be meeting again the next night. 

So, last night after I had been hanging out in Emerson with a bunch of dear friends, I had told them about my raccoon Peter. My friend Katie said "that's my raccoon! his name is blackbird! I always see him!" So we were laughing and hence deemed him Peter-Blackbird. I left a little before 1am to walk back over to Clark. As I strolled through the parking lot by myself, I heard this scurrying noise on the ground behind me and it was getting louder but I was trying not to freak myself out because I tend to do that unnecessarily. Then I decided to look behind me anyway, maybe it was a person walking behind me. 

NO!!! Thank God, I looked behind me--within four feet of me is Peter Blackbird... and he is running after me. I'm not kidding. And my heart dropped and all I could think to say was a semi-loud and disturbed, "Ummm?!" And he came to a running halt and kind of did this weird tip toe thing with his four feet to slow down... then after we had a wide-eyed stare down for a second or two, he bolted ahead of me and climbed up a tree. He took one last glance at me from the tree and then continued on up. 

That was so scary. My heart was pounding. I walked quickly to my room, scared that he might take a short cut and try to get me again. Peter Blackbird was chasing me! Why? I don't really know... and I don't even want to think what would have happened had I not looked. He for sure would have jumped on me. 

Yikes! 

my fascinated ears

My goal for this next week: to listen to jazz, blues or classical music only from the 1920s-1950s. The artists that I absolutely adore like Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington, Dave Brubeck, Louis Armstrong, Oscar Peterson, Thelonious Monk. One man whose musical brilliance enchants me is Claude Debussy (although he's late 1890s and early 1900s). His compositions are exquisite, maybe you're familiar with "Clair de Lune"? That's his work. If you haven't taken the time to listen to one of these musicians for at leeeast one hour, I would highly recommend it. Oh, they are so good! 

I feel like they create and emanate authentic music. Especially Brubeck, Peterson and Debussy... words aren't sung and their songs don't have lyrics. That's what I love though, their songs all have titles and so when you listen to the different instruments and the melodies throughout, or progressions or crescendos and different themes, a huge story is being conveyed. It's wonderful.